Our relationships are like a dance. Sometimes fluid, sometimes intimate, and many times rhythmic. But the dance falters when one partner follows unspoken steps while the other moves freely.

How often do we assume that the other person knows what we need without saying it out loud? We want our partner to offer comfort after a long day or a friend to check in when we’re feeling down. But what happens when they don’t? Disappointment quietly settles in, eroding the connection.

Unspoken expectations are like an invisible contract, rules neither person agreed upon but somehow both are bound by. The problem? One person often writes the rules in their head, holding the power. At the same time, the other is left guessing and playing a game where they don’t even know the rules that exist.

Sometimes, there is more than misunderstanding; unspoken expectations may also tip the balance in relationships. Consider a couple where one person expects the other always to initiate affection yet never communicates that need. The initiating partner might feel pressure, unknowingly carrying the burden of the emotional connection while the other waits in silence. Over time, this dynamic can create emotional exhaustion for one and quiet resentment for the other.

The same happens in friendships, too. A person who assumes his friends will always invite him to events might feel rejected when they aren’t, even though no one ever promised exclusivity. Another example could be if a parent expects their child to express gratitude in a specific way, maybe through words rather than actions, without ever explaining this preference.

The result is emotional disconnection and confusion.

These expectations are like whispers in a quiet room, almost faint, yet they fill the space with a loud tension. A parent who expects constant availability might feel abandoned when the child sets boundaries. Neither side is wrong, but the lack of communication creates a divide.

Additionally, resentment thrives in ambiguity. The more we assume others should know, the deeper we sink into frustration and disappointment. Soon, we find ourselves dancing between passive-aggressive behaviour and escalated conflicts over seemingly minor issues.

The antidote to unspoken expectations is simple yet challenging: communication. But there is a crucial step before communication that many of us forget to practise: asking ourselves, “Are my expectations fair, and have I been able to communicate them clearly?”

Here’s how to shift from silent resentment to open dialogue:

• Self-awareness: Pause and reflect. What are you expecting from this person? Is it realistic? Are they even aware of it?
• Using “I” statements: “I feel most loved when you check in on me.”
• Checking for mutual understanding: Relationships are partnerships where both parties feel heard. It is not a power struggle that leads to one-sided emotional labour. Find a middle ground and check if you both are satisfied with it.
• Embrace flexibility: Our belief systems are not inherently wrong, but holding onto rigid ones about how a relationship should function can create tension and resentment. Expectations should evolve alongside us in our relationships.

Remember that when we communicate openly, we don’t just set expectations. We create shared agreements where everyone involved has a say in the emotional movement of the relationship. This mutual understanding and respect paves the way for a stronger bond and leads to a more fulfilling relationship for everyone involved.

So, the next time you expect something in silence, ask: Have I spoken my truth? Because, in the end, love isn’t about mind-reading. It’s about listening, sharing, and growing together.

If you’ve been trying to work things out on your own but still feel stuck, know that you don’t have to go through it alone. Professional support is available at EMCC, and hope is always within reach.

To ensure that our services remain accessible, subsidised counselling is also provided. For more information, click here.