A new year does not always call for dramatic change. Sometimes, it simply invites us to pause, reflect, and take one small step towards healing. We hope *Lydia’s story offers hope for a fresh season ahead.
What led you to counselling?
Lydia: I lost someone very important to me, and what followed were years of struggling quietly in the dark.
At 26 years old, I realised that I did not know who I was. For as long as I could remember, my mother had been at the centre of my life. Everything I understood about right and wrong, what to do and what not to do, came from her. I never questioned it, and I never really had to.
That all changed the night she passed away.
Suddenly, I felt completely lost. It was as though a huge part of my identity had disappeared. I did not know how to cope with that emptiness, so I isolated myself. I did not want anyone to see the mess I was becoming.
As time went on, things worsened. I started experiencing frightening nightmares. My thoughts about myself and others became increasingly negative. I found myself spacing out, thinking about how best to die, imagining scenarios like jumping in front of a car on a highway.
How did life move on, even though you were still struggling?
Lydia: Before I could resolve those thoughts, and while still having no sense of who I was, my life continued to move forward.
Over the next four years, I went through major changes. I got married and moved out of the home I had lived in for nearly 30 years. Within the first year of marriage, I struggled deeply with the adjustments. Learning to live with someone so different from me took a heavy toll on my mental and emotional health.
At the same time, I missed my mother intensely. Whenever I faced difficulties, my mind would instinctively turn to her.
I began getting worse again. I imagined ways to end my life because I felt trapped in my own mind. I was convinced I was an empty shell, unlovable, and that my life had no meaning. There were many nights when I prayed that I would not wake up the next morning.
That was when I knew I needed help, and I needed it immediately.
How did you take the first step towards counselling?
Lydia: A friend who knew me well introduced me to a counsellor she thought I could build good rapport with. I decided to give it a try, and it turned out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made.
What was counselling like for you?
Lydia: Every counselling session gave me a safe space to be heard by someone who did not know me and therefore had no reason to judge me.
My counsellor’s calm and accepting presence helped me feel safe enough to be vulnerable and honest. It was the first time I truly felt safe while expressing my thoughts and emotions openly.
As we explored things together, she helped me uncover parts of myself I would never have discovered on my own.
How did counselling help you make sense of these experiences?
Lydia: The human mind is complex, shaped by many thoughts and experiences.
My counsellor helped me identify which experiences had significantly influenced the assumptions I held about myself. Together, we examined whether those assumptions were helpful or harmful in my present life.
That process brought a lot of clarity. I began to feel more secure in myself. I also allowed people who cared about me to walk alongside me, which reinforced what counselling was doing. It helped counter the belief that I was worthless.
Over time, I grew from someone who had no idea who she was, to someone more certain, and eventually to someone who could embrace herself. My self-esteem increased, and so did my motivation for life.
What would you like to share with others who may be struggling?
Lydia: I have come to believe that counselling is for everyone.
The stigma does not matter. What people think about me needing therapy does not matter. At least, it should not matter more than what I think of myself. My own opinion, even about myself, is important. In fact, it is more important than what the world thinks of me.
I only wish I had listened to my needs earlier and sought help sooner, instead of entering new phases of life when my mind was clearly not in a good place. Looking back, I realise how much it would have helped to have access to grief counselling in Singapore, especially during those early days when everything felt unfamiliar and overwhelming.
It is okay to need help. It does not mean there is something wrong with you. You deserve to give yourself a better chance at overcoming your struggles.
Counselling can be a first step out of darkness and into light. It offers new perspectives, helps you understand yourself better, and equips you for the challenges ahead.
If you are unsure whether you need counselling, I would still encourage you to go for it. Do not wait until life sweeps you away with its endless distractions. It may be one of the best decisions you ever make for yourself.
If you recognise any part of yourself in his journey, know that you don’t have to carry it alone. EMCC is here to walk with you.
To ensure that our services remain accessible, subsidised counselling is also provided. For more information, click here.
*Name has been changed to protect the client’s identity.
