Relationships are tough enough. But when you throw in the added stressors of the workplace – responsibilities, deadlines, and competition – conflicts are bound to arise. Unfortunately, most of us won’t have the luxury of leaving the company or cutting ties with our colleagues once things go awry. So how should we deal with the struggle of bad blood in the workplace?

We asked EMCC’s Head of Counselling, Dawn, to help us out. 

What are some sources of conflict in the workplace?

Unfortunately, no one can escape from conflict. If there are at least 2 people involved, you can expect conflict to happen. Conflicts are usually caused by miscommunication or a lack of understanding of the situation from the other person’s perspective.

Since they’re unavoidable, how should we approach conflicts? 

To manage conflict, you need to be aware of how you see conflict – is it scary, frightening, or causing you to enter a “fight mode”?
It’s also important to take notice of how you handle conflict – do you give in quickly, doggedly hold your ground, or try to talk through things to settle on a compromise?
Knowing these can help you to be more prepared to face and hopefully resolve conflicts.

Do you have any tangible solutions to resolve these conflicts?

Here are a few concrete steps you could try taking:

• Give them the benefit of the doubt

Even though the other party’s actions might speak otherwise, they might not have any malicious intentions. If your colleagues are often behaving anxiously or angrily, you could ask yourself why they might be like this, instead of thinking that these ill feelings are directed towards you. Remind yourself to remain calm and regulated when responding to them despite their behaviour. This will help to contain the conflict and prevent it from escalating beyond control.

• Reflect and remain calm

Remember that sometimes, while we are quick to point fingers at others, our own actions contribute to fanning the fire of conflict. Be quick to reflect if you could have done something that led to a misunderstanding or felt offensive from the other party’s point of view. It’s often a good idea to clarify things plainly with them to make sure you’re on the same page and not led the misunderstandings breed. Seek help from a third part to mediate, if necessary. 

• Prepare and rehearse

If similar conflicts constantly arise with the same colleagues, you may want to check in with yourself: how would you like to handle these conflicts when they inevitably come up again? Do a mental rehearsal of how you want the conversation to go and how you want to sound. Remember to stay calm despite your colleague raising their voice.

What if I’ve tried the tips to no avail? How do I know when it’s time to leave or seek external help (Eg. From a counsellor?)

Firstly, I want to commend you for taking the step to find solutions to the challenges you’re facing. 

If you’ve done the above and felt that there is still no improvement despite trying, then perhaps you may want to check-in with yourself if this working environment is helping with your growth or hurting you. If it’s hurting you, physically, emotionally, or psychologically, you may need to seriously consider leaving the place that is constantly eating away at you. 

If you feel like you require support or objective advice during this period, it’ll be good to see a professional, be it a career coach or counsellor. Counselling, in particular, can help you through any emotional pain you’ve sustained during this rough patch as well.

If you need any support, the counsellors at EMCC are here for you. For more information and to make an appointment, click here.