How Liv learned to set boundaries and find hope after years of carrying emotional weight from her childhood.
After a lifetime of feeling responsible for others, *Liv’s anxiety manifested in overwhelming physical symptoms during her wedding planning. Guided by her husband’s example, she took the brave step into counselling at EMCC. There, she began to untangle childhood patterns, equip herself with practical tools, and reclaim a sense of control over her life and well-being.
Photo of Liv on an overseas trip.
Q: What brought you to counselling at EMCC?
Liv: My husband was the one who really encouraged me. He is very mature and willing to grow from his mistakes, and he said to me, “We need to go for counselling because we have past issues to work through before we begin our new journey as a couple.”
Intellectually, I knew that was true—I even launched a mental health campaign during COVID-19, so I consider myself an advocate for better mental well-being. But deep down, I struggled with the thought of talking to a counsellor myself. Thankfully, my husband modelled the way by beginning sessions himself, and that made me think, “Wow, okay, if he is taking this seriously, I need to do this too.”
Q: What were you struggling with individually?
Liv: A lot of what I struggled with, and still struggle with, stems from my childhood. I had to grow up too quickly. My parents had a visible breakdown in their marriage when I was 15, though I assume things had been happening before that. At that age, my mother began confiding in me, even though I now know I was not supposed to be exposed to “adult things” then.
My counsellor explained that this is called parentification—when you take on adult responsibilities as a child, it impacts your development because you do not have the space to be a child. I carried that emotional weight with me into adulthood.
One way this weight, and the anxiety I had been carrying for years, manifested was during our wedding preparations. It was already a stressful process, and my parents were not very accommodating. It all came to a head when an escalating conversation with them triggered a panic attack. It was really bad—I even had to see a psychiatrist because I was vomiting and could not keep food down for an entire week. My heart was racing so fast it felt like it was beating out of my chest. I was on a treadmill running at full speed for 30 minutes just to release the intense energy, which you should never do. That was when I realised I needed more support.
Q: What was helpful about the counselling process?
Liv: For the first few sessions, my counsellor simply let me tell my life story. She listened to everything and then focused on key milestone events that had shaped me. She helped me see how those experiences were still affecting my behaviour, like my struggles with anxiety.
She also gave me very practical techniques. For example, during the wedding preparations, my parents were constantly bugging me. My counsellor advised, “Next time your dad calls, just say that you’re busy and you’ll talk to him later.” It was about creating distance and space so my body could self-regulate and heal. I had not known I could do that. I knew it was not a long-term solution, but it gave me the breathing space I needed to calm down.
She also helped me focus on what really mattered. She told me bluntly, “Your wedding is going to fall apart.” Then she asked me to identify the three things that mattered most. For me, the most important thing was marrying the right person. That shift in perspective helped me emerge from the stress with the right mindset. At that point, I could look at my husband and feel excited for our future again.
Q: How has counselling changed your perspective on yourself?
Liv: I feel deeply supported, seen, heard, and validated. Having a counsellor tell me, “That was a lot for you to cope with at that age. It should not have been that way,” was a wow moment. It made me realise there was nothing wrong with me; there were just many things that had happened which needed to be put in perspective.
I anticipate that the road ahead will be harder, like levelling up in a video game. But the consolation is that I now have so many resources to turn to. My parents may not provide the support I need, but I have a supportive husband, a great counsellor, and solid friends. I feel the future is filled with hope, and I am learning that it is okay to be a work in progress.
Q: What would you say to someone thinking about seeking help?
Liv: Your friends are not your therapist. Your family is not your therapist. They are not trained professionals who can give you practical and effective tools. In Singapore, people often question spending money on therapy, but we sometimes spend on things that do not serve us instead. I feel it is a matter of priority.
Therapy is an investment in something guaranteed to help you go through life with more clarity and hope. It feels great to know where you came from and how far you have come, and to finally put the bags down one by one. I hope you can also start your next chapter on a lighter, more positive note.
Liv’s journey is a powerful reminder that seeking help is a sign of strength. By bravely facing her past, she is building a more hopeful and resilient future, one session at a time.
If you see yourself in Liv’s story, please know that you do not have to face these challenges alone. EMCC is here to walk with you.
To ensure that our services remain accessible, subsidised counselling is also provided. For more information, click here.
*Name has been changed to protect the client’s identity.
