Written by Sapna Mathews, Assistant Senior Counsellor
When my brother came to me in his time of need, I felt so helpless. That’s when I decided I needed to be ready for whoever comes next for help. This is my journey to becoming a counsellor.
“I need to talk to someone!” These words were spoken by my younger brother, or more like my first child, since he was many years younger and a fellow resident in a tumultuous, chaotic house.
My world exploded. Not because my brother was going through a space between reality and psychosis. But more because I had no clue how to help him. He needed to talk to someone, but I knew no one and no way to help him. I had never felt so helpless in my life before.
That’s when I decided I needed to be ready for whoever comes to me with these same words. Thus began my concrete steps to becoming a certified trained counsellor.
However, I wouldn’t say my journey started there. I guess it started when I was 4 or 5yrs old. I saw daily conflicts in my home and had to be the peacemaker, the message carrier between parents and the protector of all the adults around. If parentification had a poster child, it would have been me. I guess that’s where my sense of advocacy for children’s emotional safety stems from. This later spurred me to get certified in Play therapy, a modality that allows children to express their deeper feelings and needs without the use of many words.
My therapeutic couple work stems from living in a home where my parents, both loving beautiful people individually, would dysregulate with every interaction with each other. Looking back, I believe it was because they had not resolved their own personal traumas, which then led to being triggered constantly in the couple dynamics. Having lived these experiences in a home that had unresolved trauma and that was still sustaining the trauma, I had an edge when it came to understanding and working with people who are struggling with trauma. This led to my learning EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), an evidence-based approach to resolving trauma.
“Those who have a why to live for can bear almost any how.” Friedrich Nietzsche.
That’s the background of this counsellor’s story. Back in 2015 when I first heard those words that jolted me out of my comfort zone, I began my counselling learning journey by signing up for my Master’s degree in counselling at TCA College, Singapore. I still remember, on the day of my youngest child’s first birthday, I was sitting in a classroom at TCA wondering if this would be worth the sacrifices of time, emotions, and relationships.
“The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” —Frederick Buechner
Having been a counsellor for 7 years, I can say it has been the most rewarding journey I have ever been on. And my heart rests knowing that the next time someone says, “I need someone to talk to”, I can say, “Here I am. Talk to me”.
